I know many people out there who suffer from a certain type of anxiety disorder. I haven’t yet managed to completely overcome mine as some fears pop up here and there, but many of them are manageable to some extent, because I know how to deal with them.
I don’t know how much this is true, but I’ve heard it’s best to not talk too much about your “specific” irrational fears to other people who have anxiety. Simply because fears can spread from person to person. Then again, when you find someone who has similar fears than you, you find it comforting to know you’re not alone in this.
I would also advise you to not discuss your fears with those who don’t understand it. I found it so much easier to talk to a therapist than a member of my family or friend. When I shared it with someone I knew; I found it made the situation much worse. Why? because now, I had a new thing to worry about that I couldn’t control. See, when you have anxiety, you want to control it in some situations; unfortunately you can’t always do that. For a start, it is so draining because you are continuously trying to control things and your mind never seems to disconnect.
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it”
Many of my fears are based on my fear of loss of control and judgement.
Anxiety is not a disorder where the person suffering is out of their mind; we are not “crazy”. The problem I have (and I find many have) is that I become too involved with each thought of mine. There’s far too much analyzing and simply not enough letting go. I account for every situation and try to imagine a solution for them. I get so wrapped up in my own obsessive thoughts about what could happen.
I think those that suffer from an anxiety disorder have their own “get well soon” path. I did a lot of research in the past and found a few tips on coping with situations I always dreaded. You see, anxiety wasn’t much talked about when I was diagnosed in 2012.
At one point in my life, I was afraid to leave the house. My particular fear was almost everywhere in public so there was a good chance of “running into it”. In order to prove my fear was irrational, it was super important to face it and I chose environments that I felt comfortable in to make it easier. (Traveling actually helped A LOT. I will talk more about that later)
I needed to remind myself that nobody wanted to do me any harm. I had to push myself when I felt like shutting down from the world. No one was coming to save me. I had to do that on my own.
It’s difficult to talk yourself out of fear. One of my biggest fears was (and still kind of is) bumping into people and the prospect of having to interact with them. I would pretend like everything is okay, but in actual fact, inside me it was total chaos and the worst part was that the chaos would show, although, I would try to hide it and play the part.
Anxiety has been holding me back from enjoying things. The idea of being in public places used to scare the hell out of me. The persistant negative thoughts would consume my brain. I was mentally, emotionally and physically drained.
I was afraid of the “unknown”. I felt worthless, insecure, incapable for years. The journey felt very lonely, I always thought I was the only person who was suffering with this disorder. As I said, back then, anxiety wasn’t much talked about. I actually knew no one who had it. But the more I searched online, the more I found out it was common.
It was important to me to see a therapist. It felt like my only option.
My anxiety made me avoid things that could be hard to handle, anything social related (school, events, awkward situations, dates, evenings with friends). I was completely cut out from the world. My anxiety disorder dominated my life for over a year. The thought of leaving the house brought me to tears. Even to go to the shops, it was that SEVERE.
Social events were out of the question as the mere thought of them had me in an anxious frenzy. I skipped classes. I lost many friends.
I never really understood why I was anxious. I thought it was just who I was, always worrying about everything, living with fear and a knot in my stomach. I learnt to live with it (to a certain degree). Some days were worse than others. I thought this was going to be my life forever. I couldn’t see a way out. Then came the day where I decided I didn’t want to be the girl that never went out, that never did anything, that never made the most of being alive. That’s when I seeked help.
I’m one of those people who really hates talking about their emotions, so getting help was the hardest thing I had ever done. Therapy didn’t get “rid” of my anxiety disorder but it gave me the courage, confidence and tools to manage it. Anxiety never really disappears either. It is always at the back of your mind. It affects people in different ways. No two cases are the same.
I was put on medication, which I took for a little while. It wasn’t easy. I remember having the worst nightmares one can possibly imagine. It was affecting parts of my life at which point I got off the medication. I definitely did not want to be dependent on them and I felt that I had to make the change, not the pills.
Travel is a great way to put your life into perspective which is one of the reasons why I love it. For someone who struggles with human interactions, traveling alone pushes you to meet new people, to simply talk to others. For some reason though, (and I know why that reason is, but it’s not easy to explain) I find I am able to socialize better 10 000 kilometers away from my home. The brain is so complex! (I definitely recommend you watch: The mind, EXPLAINED on Netflix.)
To some extent I can manage my thoughts and worries. At the time I never believed I was going to get better. I remember thinking I had this for life. To all those who are suffering from some kind of disorder, you can manage this. It doesn’t go away but you can make it easier. Remember that there are others, you’re not alone.
